Repeating History (History #1) Read online

  “You can tell?” I whisper. I want to tell him to leave; to get the hell out of my office but I can’t. The words just won’t come and my mind is scrambled.

  He nods, “I can see it on your rosy cheeks,” he runs his palm across my cheek and I have to stop myself from pushing my face into his hold. I don’t want him to know how his touch affects me. How it makes my skin tingle or my sex clench. “I can see it in your eyes,” he trails his hand up my temple, “they tell me you crave me just as much as I crave you.”

  “You’re wrong,” I whisper but I’m still not pulling back like I know I should. In the back of my mind, I know that Ashley or Katie or worse his little sister could walk in at any moment but it doesn’t make me step back. Everything inside me is screaming to get away but I’m glued to the spot.

  “I’m not,” his voice is softer than it has been. It’s almost gentle. It’s definitely not teasing, but that scares me more because it’s when he’s sincere that he hurts me most. “I can see it in the way you are biting your lip,” he runs his finger across my lip, leaving the taste of his skin there. “I can feel it in the electricity that is always between us.” He squares his shoulders, challenging me to deny it. “I’m going to kiss you now.” He doesn’t wait for a response. He takes my head in his hands and lifts my chin. His lips are on mine again and it sends fire through my veins. I can feel his kiss in every inch of my body. My mind tells me to pull back. You shouldn’t be doing this, I tell myself but my body reacts completely on its own. One hand pulls on his shirt, pulling him closer so that I can feel his body against my own. He groans into my mouth as I kiss him back. My other hand is in his hair, tugging at it with desperation. He’s right. I do want him. I shouldn’t but I do.

  The door opens and we lurch apart. I rub the back of my hand across my mouth, “shit,” I mutter. The distance between us is enough to bring me back to my senses. What the hell am I doing kissing Andrew Contius?

  “Sorry,” Maya blurts out before literally running from the room. If I wasn’t so completely lost in my own turmoil, I’d find the whole situation unbelievably funny. A quick look at Andrew tells me he’s completely unaffected by what just happened. The door to my office is wide open and I can see several faces looking over their cubicles at us. Great. We’re going to be the office gossip for the next week.

  “That isn’t going to happen again,” I tell him with more strength than I thought I had.

  “Yes it will,” he argues with me.

  “No it won’t.”

  “I’m not going to argue with you,” he’s laughing now. I feel humiliated. I pull on the bottom of my shirt, feeling exposed. I feel sick. This is not the plan. I don’t need this complication.

  “Just go, please,” I sound like I’m begging him to leave. Then again, I think I am. I’m close to tears. I just want to be alone.

  “Clara,” he steps towards me, reaching out to me with his hand. All laughter is gone now. His eyes are worried.

  I pull back jerking away from his touch, “get out,” I whisper.

  He opens his mouth to argue but stops himself. He walks out of my office and into his own. I close the door behind him, keeping my eyes averted from all the staring faces. I crumple against the closed door and begin to cry. I call Anna. I need to talk to a friend.

  “Hey Clara,” she sounds bright and happy as always, “what’s up?”

  “Hi,” I reply, my voice sounding even more broken when in contrast with hers.

  “What’s wrong?” the therapist in her never misses a beat.

  “I...” I don’t actually know what to say to her.

  “Let’s get an early lunch,” her words are demanding. It isn’t an option. I glance at my watch. It’s only 11:36.

  “Okay.”

  “Meet me at the Kent Mockery?” she refers to one of Michael’s brother’s bars.

  “Be there in twenty,” I tell her before hanging up. There is a knock at my door. I quickly wipe my tears away and get to my feet. “Come in.”

  It’s Ashley, “did you want to go over the accounts now Miss Delos?” Her expression is kind and a little bit sympathetic.

  “Sorry,” I frown, “I’m going out for lunch. Could we perhaps meet afterwards?”

  “Of course,” Ashley smiles at me, “going anywhere nice?”

  “The Kent Mockery.”

  “Lovely. Is there anything else I can get you?”

  “Yes. Can you get Maya for me?”

  “Of course,” she turns to leave.

  Maya looks at me nervously when I ask her to sit. “I’m so sorry,” she blurts out, “I should have knocked.”

  “It’s okay, Maya.”

  “No it’s not,” she looks close to tears herself, “Andrew is cross with me and so are you.”

  “I’m not cross, at least not with you,” I tell her honestly, “I just need to clear everything up. I don’t want you getting confused.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What you saw...”

  “I didn’t see anything. It’s none of my business.”

  “You’re right it’s not but I like to have the respect of my colleagues, especially those I’m responsible for.”

  She’s playing with her hands in her lap. “Nothing is happening between me and your brother. What you saw was reckless and it won’t be repeated.”

  “You don’t like him?” she seems even more upset now.

  “It’s not like that. We work together. It’s important to be professional.”

  She nods sadly, “It’s a shame. I think you’d be good for him.”

  I laugh almost bitterly, I’ve never been good for him and he’s hurt me more than he knows, I think to myself. “I’m going out for lunch. I’ll see you in a bit,” I smile at her as I get to my feet, “if you finish your lunch break before I am back carry on working with Kenneth and Lauren.”

  “Okay,” she follows me out of the office. A quick glance at my watch tells me I’m running late.

  “Sorry,” I apologise as I fall into the booth. I unravel myself from my coat and scarf and remove my gloves. It’s cold outside. So cold I think it could snow; it won’t though. It never snows.

  “It’s okay,” Anna smiles happily, “I’ve just been looking at the menu.”

  “What’s good?” I ask. I’ve never eaten here before. It’s still pretty new.

  “The steak is always a win,” Anna tells me. “So what’s wrong?”

  “What’s right?” I mutter more to myself than to Anna.

  “It can’t be that bad,” my optimistic friend tells me.

  “It is,” I know I sound like a stubborn child but I can’t help it, “Andrew kissed me.”

  “What?” that got her attention, “when? How? Where? How many times?”

  “Twice,” I tell her. I can do facts. It’s the emotions that those facts inspire that are the problem, “once in the lift on our way to a meeting and then again in my office.”

  “Shit,” she blows out a long whistle. “You know maybe Elle was right... maybe he does like you.”

  “And maybe he’s just found a new game to play.”

  “So what happened?” The waitress comes just in time for me to avoid answering that question, “I’ll have the steak – rare – and a mojito, please.”

  “I’ll have the same,” I tell the waitress.

  When she has walked away Anna asks me the question again. “Come on, tell me.”

  “I don’t really know... I don’t know how to describe it. It was just a peck in the lift because we arrived where we were going but in my office...” my words fall short, I can’t describe it.

  “That good huh?” she winks at me.

  “That good,” I nod. “But I can’t be kissing Andrew Contius at work.”

  “Why?”

  “It will just complicate everything... not to mention that he’s still the arsehole we went to school with.”

  “How will it complicate everything?” she asks intrigued. I wait whilst the waitress p
uts down our drinks. I’m barely comfortable talking to one best friends about this, I don’t want a waitress hearing it too.

  “Thank you...” I wait politely till she’s stepped away, “we work together. I don’t want to do that again.”

  “After Stephen?” she asks.

  “Yeah...”

  “What happened between you?” I’d avoided that question with most of my friends. It’s not like they’d ever met him. That had been the perk of coming home to London when we broke up. It meant leaving all our mutual friends behind but I’d been able to leave all the Stephen and Cathy shit in Liverpool.

  “He cheated.”

  “Shit,” Anna’s eyes are wide in surprise, “Why didn’t you tell me?” I think she’s hurt. We used to talk about everything. But then I moved away and things changed. I changed. I learnt things, things that made me question who I was. Who I am...

  “I just wanted to leave it all behind and start fresh.”

  She nods her head but she’s still frowning, “so you couldn’t stay at your work because you worked together?”

  “No. I couldn’t work there anymore because I might have assaulted my boss,” my voice is quiet, ashamed and definitely bitter.

  “What? Clara, what are you talking about?”

  I tell her the whole story. I tell her how I’d dragged Cathy out of my house by her hair and left her naked on the doorstep after breaking her nose with my fist. She’s laughing, much to my surprise. “That’s brilliant,” Anna tells me.

  “It is?” I really think she might be insane because from what I remember getting arrested for assault was not fun.

  “Of course it is. You have no reason to feel guilty. I’d probably have done the same thing.”

  “Anyway she decided not to press charges because... well it was all pretty complicated...”

  “Complicated?”

  “She didn’t want to get in trouble with her boss,” I told her honestly, “basically I threatened to call HR on her.”

  “I guess her behaviour was very unprofessional.”

  “Well actually mum’s lawyer was the one to threaten Cathy.”

  “I didn’t know you were in contact with your mother.”

  “I’m not.” After a moment of silence I realise my answer isn’t enough, “dad still speaks to her occasionally.”

  “Really?” she’s amazed. “Has she ever reached out?”

  “Yes.”

  “Have you met her?”

  Her questions are overwhelming, “no.”

  “She has a good lawyer though,” I concede.

  “Has she a family? Do you have more siblings?”

  “I don’t know.” I don’t want to know, more to the point. I have all the family I need.

  “How do you not know? Haven’t you googled her?”

  “No... I don’t know her name.”

  “You don’t even know her name? How is that possible?”

  “Dad has tried to tell me about her... but I don’t want to know.”

  “But... you used to talk about her all the time. You said she was a queen from some exotic land... and she was going to come rescue you one day.” Her words sound whimsical and ridiculous to my ears.

  “She never did though did she?” I reply. The truth is all I know about my mother is that she didn’t love me and my brothers enough to stay. I don’t want to know if she has other children because I don’t want to know that she loves them enough to stay. I’m comfortable believing that it wasn’t about us children. Perhaps it was dad’s career. I used to hate being a politician’s daughter so perhaps she hated being a politician’s wife. I’m comfortable not knowing.

  “Where have you been?” Andrew Contius barges angrily into my office, “I’ve been looking for you for hours.”

  “I took a long lunch,” I tell him calmly.

  “You better make it up,” he demands.

  “Already did this morning when I arrived an hour early,” I retort, my temper rising quickly.

  “Right. Good.” He looks suddenly lost.

  “What did you want Andrew?” I ask with a defiant note to my voice.

  “I wanted to talk to you about what happened earlier.”

  “Nothing happened earlier... at least nothing that will be repeated. We work together that’s all. We’d do well to keep professional boundaries.”

  He gapes at me, “that’s not going to happen.”

  “That’s our only option.”

  “I like you,” he tells me and I try to gage from his expression if he’s being honest with me, “doesn’t that count for anything?”

  “Andrew, you’ve spent our whole acquaintance teasing and bullying me. Why do you think anything you say or do or even feel counts for anything what’s so ever? Let me be clear; it doesn’t. Not with me.”

  “I’ve told you I’m sorry,” he rubs the back of his neck, “what more can I do to prove myself?”

  “Leave me alone.”

  He looks at me with an expression close to that of a puppy that’s been kicked. “If that’s really what you want,” he looks deep into my eyes as if looking for a denial that isn’t going to come. “I thought you’d want to know, Aurora’s awake.”

  I don’t doubt that Maya, Ashley and Katie probably think I’m a workaholic after the last few weeks. I’d ignored the gossip that was circulating. There was an office poll on how long it would take me and Andrew to get together. I had double my usual workload as I was looking after Andrew’s cases as well as my own. Landon and Aurora had returned to the U.K. but they were having a belated Christmas so we hadn’t seen Landon at the office at all. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Andrew was doing a great job covering for him. He’s also been leaving me alone. He hasn’t barged into my office at all since our first day back after Christmas and that was almost a week and a half ago. I’m almost disappointed, but that’s stupid. I do not miss his teasing. What I don’t like so much is the sad look he gets every time he looks at me. A ping from my laptop distracts me.

  From: Anna ([email protected])

  To: Clara ([email protected])

  RE: DRINKS!!!!!!

  Clara!

  Going to the Kent Mockery tonight for drinks. Except this is not just drinks.

  Dress up. We’re going dancing!!!!!!!

  A x

  Anna Louise

  Occupational Therapist

  Critical Thinking

  Her excitement is entertaining and definitely contagious. I haven’t been dancing in ages. I quickly confirm a time and close my laptop. Maya walks in after knocking gently. She knocks all the time now. I think she’s scared she might walk in on me and her brother again, although everyone knows we’re not talking. I still can’t believe the office is placing bets on how long it will take us to get together. I’m tempted to place my own bet; NEVER just so I can beat them at their own game.“I’m heading out,” she smiles, “is there anything I can get you before I go?”

  “No,” I grin, “I’m on my way out too. Do you need a lift anywhere?”

  I know she usually gets a lift from her brother. “No. Andrew is waiting. Do you have plans for tonight?” she asks politely.

  “Yeah,” I tell her, “going to the Kent Mockery.”

  “Ah cool,” she laughs, “I love that place.”

  “I know one of the owners,” I tell her.

  “Cool... do you get in for free?”

  I laugh along with her, “and a V.I.P. area if I want it.”

  “Cool!” She’s so easily impressed.

  CHAPTER six: Andrew

  “So where is she going?” I ask as soon as she gets into my car.

  “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “You aren’t going to make her cry again are you?” my caring little sister asks. She’s looking directly at me with a glare; probably challenging me to hurt Clara. Trust Delos to win my sister over so much that Maya’s actually threatening me. It’
s not in the words she is using but it’s still there in her tone and it’s written all over her face.

  Probably. “Not intentionally,” I tell her. I’m impatient. My fingers are drumming on the steering wheel. I can’t give her what she’s asked me for. I’ve barely slept all week. I’ve stayed almost all night strategising how to win her over in the most covert way possible. I need help. I need like a whole team of wing men. Either that of a therapist. I almost laugh at my own thoughts. I’m being ridiculous. Even a team of wing men won’t win her over. The chances of Clara ever forgiving me are slim to none and the chances of her letting me kiss her again are beyond impossible. Perhaps I’d be better off with the therapist.

  “The Kent Mockery.”

  “Thank you,” I smile genuinely at her; she really is an amazing little sister.

  “I’d ask if I can come,” she laughs, “but my presence would give away the trap.”

  She’s right. I need to make this look real. That army of wing men sounds like a good idea round about now. I run through my contact list in my head as I drive my sister home. I could ask Jacob to come out and perhaps James, I haven’t seen him in months. It would be good to catch up. Maybe I can even pry Landon away from Aurora for the night. As I pull the car into a parking space opposite her apartment building. She hasn’t let me inside yet and the outside of her building isn’t very promising. The dirty grey walls are covered in faint graffiti marks as if it’s recently been cleaned off. “Maya,” I sigh, “do you have a roommate?”

  She’s picking up her bag off the floor next to her feet, “no.”

  “You live here on your own?” It’s bizarre that I’ve never been in my sister’s apartment. A few weeks ago I hadn’t even known where she was living. Although she’s often asked Jacob to help pay her rent, she’s independent. It’s strange. We spend all our time worrying that she’s like our mum but in all the important things she is nothing like our mother.

  “My boyfriend used to live with me,” she says quietly, “but we broke up.”